Monday, January 3, 2011

What is Grief?

Grief is an emotion caused by a great loss such as death or another major life event that causes extreme feelings of loss. It is a painful mental process that usually occurs in stages. Symptoms are feelings of disbelief, sadness, confusion and anger.

Our entire family is in grief right now, and it comes in waves.  My husband once said that grief is not linear, it comes and goes.  The process of working through grief is a difficult one.  On the one hand, if you let go, and allow yourself to feel joy, you immediately feel guilty for being happy after suffering loss.  On the other hand, if you walk around crying all the time, displaying your emotions openly, people think that you are possibly over-reacting.

My dad was never one to show much emotion at all.  I remember when his mother died, he cried, but he kept it to hinself - like he did most things.  The thing that I am missing the most is being able to call him and discuss every day things.  That stupid Saints game last night.  Who's going to the Super Bowl?  How can I help my son find his path?

We all did it.  Everyone who knew dad spoke to him as if he had the wisdom of the ages - and in many ways he did.  He was, quite simply, amazing.

For myself, I am taking it one minute at a time.  I am trying to work up to one hour at a time, then two, and so on.  I find myself reaching out to hold my husband's hand in the middle of the night to be sure that I am not alone.  I'm not alone.

We gave Daddy the greatest gift we could have given him.  We were all there with him when he passed away.  Perfect ending to an exceptional life.  Dad, we miss you.  We love you.  We hope you are jitterbugging in heaven, and that Mamma and Pappa are there with you.  God speed, Daddy.  May our dreams and remembrances of you never fade, but may the pain lessen as we move on.  You always were and always be our Hero.


  1. Lisa, what you wrote is so beautiful, so spot on, that I am once again, for the umptieth time today, reduced to a mess of tears.
    Love you.

  2. Grief is cyclical! It comes in waves. It is almost like a rock that has been thrown into a pond. The waves are huge at first, but then after time a balance is restored. Life is never the same after loss. Loss helps us to clarify what is really important in our lives. The preciousness of relationships is a gift that our Creator wanted us to experience. Scripture says, "in the beginning, God said, Let US create man in our image..." This is an indication that from eternity, God in Trinity has been in a loving community; a joyful dance with Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We have been invited into the Dance. It is so difficult to loose a dance partner due to death, divorce, or time. I believer that every relationship is a gift from God. I am so grateful for the gift that friendship with Louis Able Aime has been in the last 10 1/2 years. I am a better person for the impact his friendship has made on mine. Thank you, Lisa, for inviting me to become a part of your family. The relationships with your father, mother, sisters, cousins, and of course Aunt Louise have filled my life with color. Big Love, David